stressed

Can I handle this? Why is all of this going on? What more can be heaped on me? Is this just to build me up to be even stronger? I'm ready to scream or throw up. I need strength for this I'm not sure that I have. I need to focus. Can I do this/be a teacher? How does S. fit into all of this? Does he fit into all of this? okay, gotta get back to class.

Ah summer "vacation"

First day of summer classes yesterday. Not too bad. I think I'll make it. On one hand I have the typical Phil, I'm going to do the best job I can and stress out over everything. On the other, fuck it. I'm trying to lean toward the other hand. I have A's in all my classes and have barely learned a thing. I need to just keep a B+ average, so I have some wiggle room. Gonna try to just do the work without getting so worked up over all of it. So that's that.
Relationship alert. WTF is going on? I know there's lots of mid-life crisis type issues going on. Maybe I just need to ride the waves a little more instead of being an anchor. But then who would I be? It's a rough right now and I need to just trust that this is all in God's plan whether I can see what's going on or not. Maybe this is a way for me to break ties with Indy so I can go elsewhere to teach which is part of the bigger plan? I can't even begin to imagine. I just know that it hurts right now, and I want it to be better for both of us.
His dad is home and doing better, so I am thankful for that. Sarah is doing better, so I'm thankful for that.
I just wish I knew what grade and where I was student teaching next fall. That would help a bit with my stress! Also, knowing what "is missing" in our relationship would helpmore than a bit too.

God, help me to see what you need to me to see, so I can fulfil the plans you have in store for me. Give me the strength to deal with whatever comes my way, knowing you're there through all of it with me.

Break!

So, I get a week long break from school. Yippee! I was so productive yesterday that I can't believe it. Cleaned out the truck. Picked up, vacuumed and dusted my room. omg. that was a feat in itself. Once a year for dusting seems about right to me! Well, nothing too exciting. Just enjoying my time off for a few more days.