good day

Okay, I'm working on seeing every day as a good day. This is the first of many good days to come. When I'm overwhelmed, I'm going to thank God. When I'm happy, I'm going to thank God. Through all of this, I am going to trust and thank God for this is where I need to be, what I need to feel, how I need to grow. I can't be expected to do everything perfectly. No one else expects it, why should I expect it of myself. Reminds me of the Vampire Song from Title of the Show. If someone else told me all the negative things I say to myself, I would tell them to go f-themselves, but when it comes from my head, then it's "the voice of reason". Self doubt vampire die! God is stronger than me, and any negative thoughts I'm having are not coming from him, so I need to make them go away. I gave up negativity for lent, but I need to refocus on getting more positive not just dwelling on getting less negative. So, today will be a good day no matter what happens. I have something to learn and to give if I just see it from God's point of view.
Good day.

breathing, swimming

Okay, so that was uncalled for! I feel much better today. As I've been told twice in the past 20 minutes by two different sources, I just need to breathe and keep swimming.
Even if all I can do is tread water or doggie paddle, at least I won't drown.
I just need to keep having faith and trust that I am exactly where I need to be and am getting exactly what I need to be getting. Ugh, growing up is hard work!
Well, I took a 3 mile walk tonight and worked crazy hard at work, so I"m going to bed early. I'll just have to get up early and do some work for tomorrow. I'll get this all finished. I just need to work on in one project at a time. By Sunday, I"ll have 2 more papers out of the way and be finished with art. Only 9 more to go after that. One...day.... at..... a ...... time. (not like the sitcom)
Like this:Matthew 6:34 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Okay, if I can do that, I think I'll be set.
I think I'm going to try to write someting here everyday from now on. We'll see how it goes.
nighty night

f

I fucking hate the CDP assignments. Just read them and can barely figure out what they mean/require.
I fucking hate the kidwatching assignment. How about we actually do in classes the things that support the homework and projects?
I'm really fucking pissed off at Ms. Bell. I'm fuckign pissed off that John had to drop out. I'm so fucking upset for about Scott's dad and everyone else around me that has cancer. I just want to fucking hit something. fuck fuck fuck. I have no idea where to go on the cdp. Kid watching I'm trying to remember is only one assisnment for 1 credit hour. fuck, fuck fuck.
i can't say fuck enough.
ignore me. I'm just fucking overwhelmed. fuck when do i have time to get this all fucking done?
FUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK. thank you for listening.
fuck

Bachin' it ramblings...

So, I'm sad, Scott is on a fabulous caribbean cruise, and I'm stuck here doing homework. I'm so thankful that he got to take a vacation, even if it is without me. I'm not bitter. No really, I'm not. I know this is what I need to be doing and where God wants me to be. A little sunshine would be nice though. Although there was a beautiful snowfall today as I was heading to church. I have beef stew in the crockpot that is smelling awesome, even though it's a getting to be a little too late to eat. Never made it before, but it's turned out pretty well.
I only see Scott on the weekends usually, and he's only gone for an entire week. He left Saturday, and gets back next Sunday afternoon. Then why does my heart hurt so much? After 6 years you would think that not seeing him for a week would be no big deal, but somehow it is! I love him more now than ever. He's stood by me through all my drama of work, family, and now school. We may have had our rough patches and broken up a few times, but we're together and strong now. Are there a couple of issues, uh yeah, but I'm willing to work through and around them if need be. I've had nothing but support from him all through this saga of my going back to school. He's so happy that I've finally chosen a career and am getting out of my HPB rut. As Antonio says it's the golden handcuffs. They make it hard not to leave. The benefits are just too awesome. I'm scaref of when I have to quit in august and begin student teaching. It will be the first time that I have been unemployed since highschool. Even in college I worked at least part time. I have plenty of savings from my car, student loans, and frugal (ish) living, so I should be okay. I always have my wonderfully supportive parents if things get too dire. I appreciate them more than I can ever tell them. I am so thankful for the support of my family and friends. Without them, I wouldn't be able to get through this crazy life of work and school. I thank God for each and every one of them. Well, I'm feeling better and not so sorry for myself. Yes I miss Scott and will continue to miss him, but I know that he's coming back to me soon and that's all the souvinir that I need. Although some cool shells might be nice!

Food, Pottery and beads, oh my!

September's meeting of the First Sunday of the Month Club began at approximately 4 pm. at the home of Erin Shea. Ms. Patrick was bedecked in a bewitching ensemble of purple tie dye. A mere 20 minutes later, she reappeared, transformed, in a lovely frock of lavender.Refreshments were created and served by yours truly, and included Guacamole, salad of tomatoes and onions in a light vinegrette, nuts, potato salad, and assorted fruits and cheeses. Desserts included fudge and petit fours purchased and lovingly arranged, by the lovely Bethloonie. Bethloonie had snapshots to share of recent family trips to Chicago, and New Harmony. Each member shared stories of children in their lives, including nieces, nephews, and friends of our families. Our presence was graced by the ever dilatory, Ashlawn, who supplied the components for our evening craft project. An assortment of beads, cords, notions, and findings were supplied for each member to create his or her own piece of original jewerly. Our hostess, a gifted semi-professional potter, allowed each member present to select a hand made pottery creation from her extensive collection. Your editor, picked a lovely lidded vessel with a wonderful patterned beige glaze and a "starry night" glaze within. Pictures were taken to commemorate the evening's festivities. Plans to meet again in the near future were discussed, and the meeting was adjourned at approximately 9:30 p.m.
Your ever diligent editor,
Philbug.

In up coming issues, look forward to member recipies, including Bobbie Sues award winning deviled eggs. Also, check out an ingeniouis storage solution for all of those leftover styrofoam egg cartons you've been saving for a rainy day. No, you won't want to miss The Inconceivably Versitale Egg issue!!!

Random observations on my walk this evening

Random things that I observed on my walk this evening
(in no particular order or importance):
-I walked over 40 blocks round trip, in theory for exerise, but really just to get an ice cream cone at the South Bend Chocolate Company on the circle. And walking 5 feet to change the channels seems like an overwhelming burden.
-A plywood sign blocking an entrance at a construction site that read, "If you move this you put it back" Why did they have pink and green paint?
-"wink" written in chalk on a sidewalk in a completely ramdom place not near any residence.
-1 filthy paring knife stuck in a flowerbed with half of the white plastic handle missing.
-That no matter how PC I think I am, and that a person's worth has nothing to do with their skin color, sexual preference, national origin, etc... I still cut to the other side of the street if a big black man, homeless-looking person, or group of more than 2 non-white people are walking towards me. I am a very non-confrontational person, and am not the strongest/largest person in the world, so maybe that has something to do with it, but I still feel as if I have commited some act of racism or some sort of social injustice by just avoiding these people. Or maybe I just want to be left alone while I am on a walk?
-A newish house on Alabama Street that has 2 small windows above and one larger one below that make a face. They have even added a long rectangular box between the top two windows to form a nose. Every time I see this house it makes me smile.
-I love looking in the windows of people's homes. Not that I go up and just stick my face to the glass, (ok, not if they're home) but I just like to observe people and see if their houses' interiors, and owners "go" with the exteriors.
-I get jealous when I see an obviously gay couple enjoying each other's company in the home they share together. This makes me feel like I've just been on hold for the last five years waiting to move in with my boyfriend, and I get depressed thinking there's no end in sight.
-A beautiful sunset, and how I oh-so-much-love daylight savings time.
-I miss my boyfriend, who's in Florida, and it's only been 3 days since I've seen him.
-I can't imagine how much I would miss him if he were truly gone.

car and fsotmc

So, I finally got a new car. I am soooo excited and relieved. No more stress over that major inconvenience and source of more anxiety than I would care to admit. I am truely blessed to have parents that are generous enough to help me out of my formally, seemingly, hopeless situation. For the first time in my life, I have a new, new car, not just a "new to me" car.
FSOTC club met this evening. We had such a great time. I know of few things better than just sitting around eating and talking with my gal pals. MadGab has to be the most ingenious game ever. I won't take time to describe it, but just go out and buy it, and you'll see what I mean. Well, not much else to report. Life is looking better everyday, so I guess I should be thankful and just live it, and see where I'm supposed to go from here. Worrying and obsessing about it just makes life unbearable. I need to realize although I may be heading towards new things, that I'm where I need to be right now. Life if good, really good.
goodnight for now.

Dan's clock

So, it was my birthday in November, and I recieved a clock as a present from my mother. Specifically, a clock that my Uncle Dan owned. A slightly odd present considering, it was let's call it "lifted" from his house after he died. Dan died in this past July, and we knew he had many antiques in his house. Just in case someone broke into his house, knowing he was deceased, my brother and I removed any obvious valuables: clocks, oil lamps, etc... My mother had asked me if I wanted anything from Dan's, and I told her that I had an oil lamp that I really liked, but there was a dresser that was also very cool. These may be someone's family heirlooms, but I don't know who's since Dan was so fond of going to estate sales and auctions. I just thought they were nice pieces and something to remember Dan by. So, back to the clock, of the 4 we removed from the house, I really liked one of them. It is a very simple gothic arch shape with a dark finish, with a simple face. It chimes on the hours and on the 1/2 hour as well. My mom took it to be reconditioned an put into working order and gave it to me as a present. The inscription said something to the effect of "when you look at this clock, think of Dan and how much he loved you". I think of this and weep, because I realise how much Dan loved all of humanity, including me. He, like this clock seemed pretty plain, without the frills and intricute carvings, but kept time just like the fancier designs of clocks. There weren't a lot of "bells and whistles" with Dan. BUT, he was one of the most giving and loving people I have ever known. You might not have recieved it in words, but definitely in the deeds he preformed. He often attended the many perfomances I was involved in. He was always there to help out when needed. My mom relays stories to me about things people have told her about Dan, and I am always amazed that he found time to do all the things he did for other people. We never knew that he always mowed his elderly neighbors yard, and shovelled snow for another neighbor, never asking for a dime of payment. He always brought something to every carry in or sunday dinner. Usually lots of something, be it dressing, potato salad, homemade pies, or maybe some vegetables from his garden. He volunteered at the American Legion in many capacities, held many positions at church, and was generally the guy who you could turn to for just about anything. If he didn't know the anwer or how to fix it, he knew someone who did. He was just one of those men. One of his greatest loves was for Merom Church camp where he spent many summers directing and co-directing summer camps. He truly was a man whose actions spoke louder than his words. Even when his words often times were used to taunt, they were out of love. I remember he used to make me so mad when he would call me Phillipe and say, "Phillipe that's french for big dummy." Now, it's one of the things I remember fondly. He used to call my brother and I "sawed off and short stuff" or "runt and rat". We never knew which was which, but I guess it really didn't matter. Unfortunately, I remained short, while my brother grew to almost 6 ft. tall. Oh well.
Every time I hear Dan's clock chime, I think of him and hope to emulate the way he helped others in his life. Thanks for the clock Mom. I really think it is one of the best presents I have ever recieved.

So, my posts are random, and have little relation to each other, but I never claimed to be predictable or have a cohesive plan for this blog. I guess it's just a way for me to put some of my ramdom thougths down, so I can go back and look at them in the future. They may give me insight into myself, or they may just seem silly, but that's okay too.
I'm working on looking at life from a different perspective, and so far that's working out great. I'm been looking for the postive, and trying my best to change the negative or at least use it in a postive way, so there's a start. Still not a lot further along in the life purpose category, but I'm working on it. I'm reading a book call "the purpose of your life" so there's a start! Praying and going to church is helping as well. I know I have to remember that even when I don't feel I'm doing anything, there is a purpose to it, whether or not I know what that purpose is. I've been starting to go through my physical inventory of stuff, asking, "does this serve a purpose or will it in the future?" if it doesn't, it's just stuff in my way and has to go. Now if I can do that on an emotional, mental, philosophical level, nothing can stand in my way. Now if I can just find out what that way is and what I'd like to do once I get there, I'd be set. well, it's getting late and I'm rambling more than usual. I'll close for now.
good night internet.
xophilbug

Les Choristes et Joyeux Noel

Just finished watching Les Choristes (The Chorus). What a wonderful movie; not too sappy, but definitely leaves you with a very warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Although, I am known for my general sappiness. Case in point: I caught the last 2o minutes of Little House on the Prairie today. It was a "flashback" epidsode where Pa, Half pint, Hester Sue, and company reminisce about Christmases past. I am such a sucker for this show. I cannot, CANNOT watch an episode without getting at least a little misty. Ugh, I'm such a sap. That damn Folger's commercial was on last night. You know the one from the seventies that they have updated, about the son coming home from college? OMG, and don't EVEN get me started on the Hallmark Commercials. Okay enough rambling from Weepy McSappy pants.
Have a wonderful, merry, happy and above all safe holiday season.
xophilbug.

Stuff

So, I have all of the presents I have purchased, wrapped. Yay me!!! Now, I just need to purchase a couple more things and I'm set. Haven't decided if I'm making/buying ornaments this year. I always try to find the perfect one for each person, but this year, I just don't have the energy/inclination.
So, I seriously think I may need some pyschological help. Still can't make any kind of decision on a car or if I want to go back to school, what it would be for, what I want to be when I grow up, where I want to live. I just can't commit to anything, and get panic attacks, at least that's what I'm calling them until I get a professional opinion, whenever I even think about making a big decision. ugh. Life sucks right now. But what really sucks is that nothing really sucks. I'm relatively healthy, can pay my rent, etc.... but something is just wrong. Maybe a healthcare professional can help me sort out my brain. I seem to be getting post holiday blues before the holidays.
Did I mention my car's heater fan doesn't work and I only have heat/defrost when I'm going over 35 mph? So much for being thankful. At least when I had car trouble last week it was only the battery and not the alternator too.
double ugh. Gonna go make some hot chocolate, take a bath and read.
later, philbug

me no feel good

I feel like a pile o' poop, or maybe more like a pool of slime, yes a pool of slimey phlegm. I have yet another sinus infection. The doctor suggested going to an Autolaryncologist, ENT to see if maybe I have some sort of physical defect that's causing my recurrent sinus infections. I just got over one about a month ago. They usually seem to be incurred after my seasonal allergies flair up, but not this one. Ugh, I hate it. I hate being sick I hate blowing my nose every thirty seconds I hate snorting down snot when I don't have a kleenex or don't feel like getting up I hate feeling like I'm going go vomit from the amount of phlegm I injest in a never ending flow I hate that it feels like a three hundred pound man is trying to get out of my head through my sinus cavities I hate feeling all depressed I hate that I can't make a simple decision like do I sleep in pajamas or my clothes because it's just easier to wear what I have on I hate not having the energy to cook which makes me sad because Ilove to cook I hate it I hate it I hate it.
Hope that "sentence" was legible. It was my nod to A Million Little Pieces. That is exactly how the author writes, and it does make the book a bit daunting to read at times. No punctuation and no quotation marks or italics in the entire book. He swithes back and forth from narrative to dialog without a single hint. It is definitely an effect.
So, I'm supposed to be buying a new car. I actually have been buying a new car for over a year now. I get so bogged down by all of it and then just shut down at times. My parents gave me a nice chunk of cash for Christmas last year to go towards a car and here it is December again, and I still haven't bought one. I get so scared, no terrified that I'm going to make a wrong decision and get financially involved in something I can't handle. I enjoy a certain amount of freedom with my finances by not having a car payment. Now I'm just going to be like every other shlub I know, living paycheck to paycheck. I just can't see buying another used car and having to deal with problems inherent with them, but damn it's a lot of money.
So, add one part of fear, 2 parts procastination, a generous dash of phlegm, and you get: a depressed phibug. Why can't I just buck up and do this? I really don't understand when/where I got all scared and reticent to do things. Maybe I need therapy, maybe I need someone to slap me and say "grow up", maybe I just need to eat some dinner and go back to bed, and see what tomorrow brings. later, Philbug.

Turkey day/birthday

So, overall, it was a pretty calm and uneventful thanksgiving. My family went to dinner at a friend's house who is a great cook. Ate way too much, took a nap, all was good. Friday, slept in, checked out a house that my dad is remodeling. Can I just say how impressed I am with my father? If you could see how rundown this great, old beautiful brick house had become, and the tranformation that has taken place over the past few months, you would be astounded. He transformed this 4 room house with horrible additions, into what is going to be a fabulous home. He added on a basement, family room/kitchen combo room, butler's pantry, and laundry room onto the existing structure. He also has ripped out old renovations, added 2 bathrooms, installed new windows, doors, trim, closets, you name it. And all of this still keeps the character of the old house intact. I'll post some before and after shots soon, so Y'all can see what I mean. My dad rocks.
So, my brother has a new puppy, Russanna. That's what the pound named her, and the kids liked it, so it stays. She is such a cute brindle mutt, but bringing her to my parent's for the holiday about did me in. Every 30 seconds, he was yelling at the dog to lie down, or not chew on something, or to calm down. The dog is so scared of him that if he tries to touch her to discipline her, ie drag her outside, put her in her crate, etc... she pees on the floor. This guy does not have the patience for 2 kids and a dog. Though I love my family, it was nice when they headed home, so I could have some peace and quiet on what is now officially my birthday. Yeah, 33. Well, since it is one thirty in the morning, I guess I should head to bed. I plan on sleeping until I wake up, that is, no alarm for me today! later, xophilbug

Thanksgiving stuff

I know, I know, we all hate the "what I'm thankful for" assignment, prayer, sermon, whatever, but several things have lead me to this entry. The main two are a beautiful email I got from my friend Denise about her dad, and this week's sermon at church. Ok, all you godless heathens, don't stop reading, it's not gonna get all religioso. Most of you know I'm a just a big sap at heart, but know all of the following are things I've been thinking about in the past 24 hours or so, and from the heart. So here goes...
Philbug's big list of things he's thankful for (in no particular order, ranking or level of importance. ) Or as Grudgegirl would more than likely prefer, "Philbug's big list of things for which he is thankful, in no particular order, ranking or level of importance. "
I apologise for all gramatical, capitalization and punctuation errors.

-a niece and nephew who make me laugh, and provide me with great stories to tell everyone, ad naseum.
-a family that may not always "get" me, but loves and respects me just the same.
-a boyfriend who does "get" me, love me, who laughs at me when he knows I'm taking myself way too seriously, or acting too dramatically, usually about something as tragic as a hangnail.
-same boyfriend who when we were laughing so hard about something, actually fell out of bed while continuing to laugh, which made us laugh even harder and longer.
-friends who have kept in touch through the years that even when we don't see each other for months at a time, can pick up the conversation just as if we had never parted.
-toasting pumpkin seeds even though I burned my hand on the oven heating element.
-living in a country that can't silence me, my beliefs, or tell me who I can or can't love, no matter how hard the current administration tries to deny or change the basic foundation of our government.
-a church where I, and everyone else in the world are not only accepted or tolerated, but encouraged to worship and attend. (www.Jesusmcc.org)
-a car that (although the heater blower is on the fritz, has some dings, a little rust, etc...) gets my butt to where I need to go.
-a place to live (that although I'm paying too much for rent,m since I'm never there anyway) that is safe and warm or cool when it needs to be.
-a job. (ok, not a career yet, but it pays the bills, and has great benefits, and a schedule I can live with for now)
-parents who though had rules, didn't beat me over the head with them, and though no child wants to admit it, were pretty cool in hindsight.
-a father who owns his own carpentry business, who really wanted to be a farmer, and was for a while, but knows a small operation farmer can hardly pay the bills in today agri-business, let alone put 2 kids through college.
-a mother who was a "stay at home mom" for most of my early years. Who started cleaning houses to help make ends meet when were old enough to stay by ourselves after school. who made both of her boys learn how to do laundry, cook, and clean, who when shopping at (if I remember correctly) Schultz's dept. store, when we were young, buying both my brother and I dolls, telling us "boys can play with dolls too". Who just from those few examples, whether she knows it or not, has made a huge impact in both of her sons lives. Two men who aren't afraid to cry, (okay, so I do it all the time), who love their families and aren't afraid to show it, and can do more than just bring home a paycheck.
-parents who let me take both foods and woodworking in 4H, so I now can both cook the food and build the table to serve it on. Ok, the food will be great, the table so, so.
-a brother who after hating the corporate world, followed in our dad's foot steps and started his own construction business.
-parents who made it clear that not going to college was not an option, and that I'm sure cringe at the amount of money they spent on a degree that doesn't pay the bills. They'll probably never know how much just that act alone has changed my world view, and for good or bad helped me discover the person that I am.
-grandparents.
-grandma nettie, who recently died, but taught me though her example of raising five boys, running a farm, and taking care of a crippled husband for over 40 years, that I can conquer anything if I set my mind to it. (And now that I think about it, should really set my mind to whatever "it" is and do it.)
-granpa glenn, who died not as recently, who although, was physically disabled and who I could scarcely understand a word he said, caused by a wreck that occured when my dad was little, still rode his trike up and down the roads collecting aluminum cans, hunted while walking on his crutch, and worked out in his garden.
-grandpa crawn, who though in and out of one hospital after another still manages to make wonderul toys, and furniture out in his wood shop.
-grandma crawn, who raised 6 kids on a farmers wages and who I always used to help put up her Christmas decorations, who read to me when I was young, who's old upright piano I used to bang on when first learning how to play, who travels the world with perfect strangers to places like Japan, and other countries I can't seem to remember.
-grandam great, who died when I was in highschool at the age of 100 years. Who still put out a garden every year, and lived at home until the day she died.
-great aunt mary, who died a few years ago, who although she had a disabling muscular disease, rode her "wheel" (trike) to visit her sister, grandma crawn, over a 2 mile round trip, sometimes twice a day, who although she was thoughtdead at birth, lived to over 70 years, and always remembered everyone's birthdays and sent a card, and usually a check in her scrawling hand.
-Uncle Dan, who after many, many years at a furniture factory, decided to cash in his savings and buy "The Sandwich Shop" to make a living, who made "the best potato salad" so I'm told, I don't like potato salad, who usually made 2 types of dressing to bring to thanksgiving since he knew some people don't like oysters, who doing what he loved more that anything, going to Merom church camp and co-directing every summer, was killed in a car accident on the way home this summer.
Though, I'll miss those who are not at the table this year, I will be thankful that they were a part of my life.
-my first piano teacher, Dorothy Mills, who inspires me yet to this day.
-a mother who would read to me, would drop my brother and I off at the library, who let us check out as much as we wanted, and whatever we wanted, who had to come and find us, to practically drag us out of the library, who always let us buy books off the order forms, and join bookclubs, so we recieved new books in the mail all the time, which is probably why I love to read.
-music, art, and theater, that inspires me, and also lets me express who I am.

There are many other things to be thankful for, but this is my big, of the top of my head, free form, rambling list. Thanks for bearing with me, and have a happy and truly Thankful Thanksgiving everyone!!!
xophil.

Slangification?

I meant, consumerisation. Yes, with an "s" like I'm British. I guess "lite" really isn't slang, but some by-product of the prepackaged, overly processed thing we call "food" in our supermarkets. Think Cheez Wiz. ugh. If they have to tell you it is food on the package, do you really want to eat it? As in, Velvetta Cheese food, or Hormel meat product. Give me cheese and meat, not some "product" made FROM them! As, you will learn, I love quotation marks (and parenthesis). Yes, I grew up on mac and cheese in the blue box, and lunch meat, and campbell's soups. I eat that type of thing now, and only taste chemicals, and salt, loads and loads of salt. ICK. Ok, I have been known to use a can of cream of (insert animal or vegetable here) soup in a casserole or some other concoction, but that's about it. Can I just tell you how much I love making and eating casseroles? Tuna, and chicken are my fav's, but sometimes I just do a bunch of veggies, pasta, cream of whatever soup, and top it with bread crumbs and parmasean/romano/asiago, whatever cheese (freshly grated please!) and just bake it up to bubbly goodness. Did I mention I'm cheap, and love taking leftovers for lunch?
So, from where and to what end does this rambling come/go? I have no idea. I really don't know the purpose of this blog other than to make myself write something every once in a while. Although, I don't miss "college" life per se, I do miss writing papers. I'm not into big epics or anything like that. I had the opportunity to have a fabulous English teacher in highschool, who taught us how to write. It's all about a thesis and support, support, support. My writing, though you can't tell from this post, tends to be concise. I figure if you can say it in three pages, why waste your reader's time, and your own, just throwing crap in to make a "page" requirement"? Not to say I don't enjoy READING long works, but I don't think things like a specified page length of an academic paper really proves anything. Ok, again with the rambling.
I'll endwith 3 things:
Stop naming/buying things called"food", and "lite", Buy fresh whatever, whenever you can.

Make a casserole, some soup, or something home made or as I like to call it, "ho' made". (Made by a ho', arent' I clever.) It's cold outside and nothing soothes the soul and tummy, unless you can't cook, like something you make yourself.

Write something every chance you get. It's gotta be good for your brain or somethin'.
later, xophilbug


Oh, and Happy Birthday to my "little" brother, who's 31 today, and my niece who is 4 tomorrow!!!

Footlite not Footlight

Yeah, it really is spelled "Footl-i-t-e. I have no idea why. It's kinda like a foot but "lite" as in less fat and calories, I guess. I really hope it is on purpose to make us "stand out" or something, but I think it just makes us look like we've become victims of consumerism and the "slangification" of everything known to man. Yes, you may use my new word, slangification.
So, I'm in The Merry Widow with the IO. Can I just say what a bunch of fluffy nothing this opera is? Yes, it's fun, but take a look at some of our lovely lyrics: "how exciting, tra la la la la la, how delighting tra la la la la la, and if her marriage isn't so, she never marry, no, oh no, oh no." We actually sing this 3 different times, and that's after a soloist sings the whole thing before us (the chorus) each time. BUT, my ULTIMATE FAVORITE LINES are: "For he is as he said before, Parisian to the core, and though we all will whine and pout, we know that soon he'll flee from gay Paree, and then the lovely place he'll be is Les INDEE!" (as in Indy, as in INDIANAPOLIS!!!) Don't ask, it's too painful. And, could someone PLEASE diagram that "sentence" for me? I do get to waltz, so that's fun, even though my partner has two left feet, and I have to pretty much man handle her across the floor. Yeah, I'm a waltzing stud, and you want to touch me. So, I really need to get to bed. It's 5 am, and I have to get for work in two hours and then go to rehearsal until 10:30 after work.

"No pictures please" previous post

This was taken in January 2005 in the dressing room at Foolite. I'm surely expounding on something all important like the necessity of seeds in raspberry jam or extolling the virtues of Colgate over Crest. Notice John and Amy (in the mirrors) in rapt attention of my orations. I just have power over people that I must remember to use for the common good.

My Biaches and the amazing disappearing shirt!

philbug, lezbor, pregor, adultor, and
the amazing disappearing shirt.
Sounds like a band name to me.
So here we are at the ISM. I just love that "-ism." The Indiana State Museum that is. We also have an IMA, Indianapolis Museum of art, and an IMOCA, Indianapolis Museum of Modern Art. Gotta love those wacky acronyms.
Notice the trendy 3d glasses we are wearing. Try not to notice the amazing, disappring shirt! So, I don't even notice the shirt thing until I'm uploading photos onto my computer. I saw this pic and just about peed my pants. It make me laugh EVERY time I see it or even think about seeing it. Poor Beth in her way cute Scorpio shirt that has secret powers. OH, also notice I'm wearing a Closer t-shirt. Got it as a free promo from my bf. Finally, I saw the movie this week. I hated it. Even with all the beautiful people in it. 3 words: Jude, Law, Yum. I still hated it. But I love that cozy, light-weight shirt. I'll probably still wear it. It's not like it's an Ishtar or Gigli t-shirt. Ok, haven't seen them, but I've heard. Well, can't think of anything witty tonight/this morning.
later, gators, xophilbug

Morgan and me
I'm not a celebrity whore or anything, but I just love Morgan Freeman. This was at the 2004 Snake Pit Ball for the Indianapolis 500. I was a very nice man, calm, patient, didn't get annoyed by all the gawkers wanting his picture, while he was trying to eat his dinner. He even got up and did the Electric Slide with the rest of the dancers. And he's so tall. I'm standing/crouching, and he's sitting down. Okay, I know I'm also short!!!

New look.

I am sooo not that computer literate! I know what I need to know, as I need to know it. I hope I like this new look. I really need to figure out how everything works on here!
Coming soon, FSOTMC pics from past "meetings", including the amazing disappearing shirt!
My oh-so-cute bunny rabbit named, Hop. Is jumping around the room, doing his "bunny dance" as I call it. Too cute!!!
night all.
xophilbug

Grudge Girl

Ok, d@# I did it again, starting with "ok", ugh. so, I'm reading my friend grudgegirl 's blog. HI-larious, I must say. Check it out; you won't be disappointed. So, more ramblings, for today, only 8 months between posts. I have no idea why I have this thing, but I figure I might as well use it. My boyfriend says if I put anything about him in this blog, he'll kill me. So, I won't. He just doesn't get it/see the point/is a pretty private person. That's cool, I have no secrets. Well, at least none you're going to find out. Well, let's see, dum de dum... oh, something about me, okay. drat!
I work in the world's largest used bookstore chain, Half Price Books, (HPB). I know, I know, you wish you could touch me. I have held several different positions there. Not, of the sexual type mind you. I started out as the lowly bookseller/worker one. This is what everyone starts out as. I progressed to "worker two" (more resposibility, maybe a smidge more pay) and then to "store inventory manager" (SIM) . Again, more responsibility, maybe a smidge more pay. I had to do displays, process shipment, order/reorder merchandise, etc... I eventually made it to ASSISTANT MANAGER #2. Ooh ahh, now you REALLY want to touch me don't you? This was basically low man on the totem pole manager. I was in charge when no one was around, but still couldn't make any major decisions. then I moved to NYC ok, really Jersey City, just across the river with my then boyfriend, and one of my best girl friends. "We're going to Broadway Y'all"(Parker Posey as Libby Mae Brown in Waiting for Guffman.) Yeah, whatever. Let me state right now, this was not my dream. It was the dream of my then boyfriend and best girl friend. Yes, I love to perform, but was happy here in l'il ol' Indinapolis. But my heart won out over my head, and I followed someone else's dream. We left in early November, and I came back to Indy the 2nd week of January. My turn of the Milennium was spent with me slobbering all over myself about wanting to go home. I guess that's one way to start off a new century. I called my mom, and said I was coming home. I called my manager, sure I could come back to work. And I did, and was lowly" bookseller" again, and then SIM again, and then back to bookseller. And that's where I am 10, yes TEN years (ok in April) of working at HPB.
In a rut? You betcha' sistah. But I'm making changes. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know it's not a bookseller.
until next time.
xophilbug